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Prologue: Of Glitz and Glory
As Yoshi thumb wrestled himself at his podium, Chubba shifted about uncomfortably at his own. The battlers, who had just arrived at Glitzville by blimp, had all gathered into cliques and were talking amongst themselves. This, of course, would not do. The Clubba cleared his throat, adjusted his bowtie, and clamped his mouth over the microphone. The crowd cringed in pain as the feedback caused by his tongue destroyed their ears. This went on for nearly a minute before he pulled out and began his address. “Welcome back, everyone! How were your government mandated vacations?” Lukki was clutching the sides of his head as steady streams of blood trickled out through his fingers. Scully lay unconscious on the ground, foaming from his mouth. Everyone else looked on in exasperation. Tubba broke the silence. “...Well, I-” “Nobody asked you. Anyway,” Chubba continued, “while you cretins were gone, Yoshi and I made some successful business negotiations. That said, we have exciting news to share: the Glitz Pit is going official!” “In other words,” Yoshi cut in, interrupting the confused murmuring of their audience, “loosely organized exhibition matches are a thing of the past. From this day forward, you’ll be dividing up into official teams and competing in minor and major leagues for the championship title.” The battlers erupted in enthusiasm. “About time,” Xavier muttered, cackling to himself as he rubbed his grubby mitts together in anticipation. “Finally, I can demonstrate my true power!” GB declared to anyone who would listen. “Now hold on just a second,” Red announced, cutting through the aimless chatter. “Just how did you manage to successfully rebrand the business when you were on the brink of foreclosure mere weeks ago?” “Excellent question, Red!” replied Yoshi. “And we’ll be sure to answer it as soon as you’re finished mopping the entire Pit.” “What? But I-” “Pit. Now.” With a defeated sigh, Red retrieved a mop from his shell and trudged past Chubba and Yoshi through the lobby doors. Once he was gone, the jabber continued. “The competitive scene is neat and all,” Sarge rattled, “but I’m excited for the pay raise!” Dibby nodded her entire body in agreement. Chubba chuckled nervously then placed a hand over his mic. “Have those connections of yours come through yet?” Yoshi followed suit. “They know what’ll happen if they don’t. Until then, we can just distract them with perks.” “Sounds like a plan. I’ve got enough commemorative coasters and pencil toppers to last us the next few months.” He uncovered his mic. “Alright, peons! Are there any questions?” Tubba hopped up and down with his hand in the air. “Anyone? Anyone at all…? Ah! Yes, Bingo?” “Chubbaschnoz,” he muttered, convulsing slightly. “Well said. Now then, we’ll leave you losers to assemble teams of three. After that you can enjoy your last night in the municipal locker room, because tomorrow, we’re weeding out the cream from the crop!” Yoshi nodded decisively. “And believe us, it’s going to get creamy.” “What...does that even mean?” Dibby began, but they’d already stepped away from their podiums and were headed back inside. And thus, a new era of the Glitz Pit was reigned in. An era of hardships and struggles; of rivalries and showdowns; of glitz and glory.